Another year comes to an End.

Yeah so here I am, done with exams, an internship waiting, and nagging boredom following close from the past few days, to stick through for the next few days, at least. I thought then, what better way to spend time than by pondering over and writing down my memories of the second year of college gone by. No, this wasn't just a time-pass thing. I realised that this is something I ought to do, if possible, on a regular basis even, because yeah, college life has charmed me over- right from the start, for both the good and the bad. I won't start with saying, 'It has been an enriching experience', blah-blah. Let me move over to my experience, as closely as I can best describe it, because experience is one thing, writing it on paper is another. 

                            Second year started off, there were new faces streaming/pouring in, we were kind of still stuck on to the 'take it easy'  mode, carried forth from first year, at least I was. I indulged in self-pity, if that is what it's to be called, for a long time; I was no longer a First yr student, college was no longer a space that I could boastfully claim, was my place to explore, almost like I owned it, as though the premises waited for us to arrive each day, and gaze around, starry-eyed, each day discovering new nook and crannies. It was the turn of the new batch of students to do that. I couldn't afford to be as unbothered as I'd been over the first yr, about my scores; [not that I've improved this year]. 

One, I grew mature. No, not in the cliched sense that I learnt about how I should react to situations, to people's reactions, to more of such neatly compartmentalized categories. Because that is internalising something that just caught your fancy, or something that was deemed as ideal, not growth. Instead of trying to emulate 'people', I decided to learn by observing more than the fairly obvious, people's tendencies, weaknesses, learnt a lot about myself through that, almost feeling like it was I observing myself in some situations. Facts trickled in, I sure did learn. I'm not even going to present a list of the 'facts' here, that's not my purpose. :P 

One thing I'm glad about- I made new friends, over the course of months. I don't know how much of an effort I made, but I'm glad I have new friends today, all off with whom my bond only deepens, each time we meet up or even have a five minute chat. Sounds intense, I know, but that's how I feel about/for ALL my friends! I may not be someone who'll be the conversation opener in a group where there are new faces all around, I take time to open up, so obviously it's a little harder for me to make friends, that way, but for the friends I have, I feel only grateful. It's true, isn't it, they are the ones who become the link between your cherished past and your 'Life sucks!' present? We all love to look back and live those times over in our minds, and the present always seems so much worse! :P 

                     

                       I got glimpses into the not so pretty sides of how the college ekes out the best for itself, thanks to a few acquaintances. Not that I ever imagined things to be all hunky dory in an educational institution, but you know seeing things is much worse than just hearing of those things all your life, and not having to confront it. The brand hype gives away to a part of you pointing its finger at you and rhetorically saying, 'So you never knew the world was all about facades, did you?'

Months progressed, or rather flew by, internal examinations were done with, we were back frequenting the corridors after the break, and soon, it was time to give the annual examinations. Are we sure time does not fly, when we're having a good time? :D  Soon we were to organise a  farewell for the seniors, and I couldn't help but think of our own farewell which would take place a year later. :/ Charged with the mammoth task [okay let me make it sound less dramatic- I love clicking people/things/everything] of clicking everyone at the event, I decided to go ahead. Being the shy creature I am, every time I focused the camera onto someone or a bunch of seniors, I feared they'd pelt a stone at me. Partly because sadly I hadn't interacted with many of em, over the two years in college. Not because I wanted to, AND didn't, but such a fear then wouldn't arise, most probably. :P 

            

                                 I ended up thinking, many-a-time, about how not-proud I should be, of myself, looking at the ones in my class who'd been excelling right from the start, or have come up, with time, with me  believing that that's not the only way to know one's 'worth', yet also acknowledging that if you got to thrive, you got to subscribe to the 'If you got it, you gotta flaunt it.' rule. I'm no fool to to float on a bubble just because I ended up in the college I am in, because the admission criterion needs a major overhaul, big time. I also couldn't help but wonder if I wasn't 'intelligent' enough to be able to sit through weekly seminars my dept organised, on 'profound' issues/whatever because I couldn't sit through most of em, or let me be honest, even one of them, without fidgeting? Or could I really just brush it off by saying that it was not my cup of cake, that to be able to listen and understand, what was spoken, I needed years of experience, that I didn't have? God knows. 

                                      

                               So after I was done with the exams, and was wondering what to do to pass my time, and I had this imposed 'guilt' lurking somewhere, that I didn't strive well enough this time either, to bring up my scores, to show I how good I am with interpretations, dialogic disputations in my answers, at debates, or classroom discussions [also knowing that had I done these very things, I would only be making a difference to myself, my state of being, maybe, but for society? For anyone else?- So when is it that you really should be proud of yourself?], I just thought, let it be. I couldn't force an answer out of myself which I didn't feel 'guilty' about. That was that. 

                                     Keeping aside these questions, :P  let me be honest to myself and admit that I greatly fear what life will be like, after college, though there's about a year more to go. I wish I could keep this haven close to myself like a stuffed toy, it is such comfort to place foot on the campus each time, taking in the familiar smells, the faces and smiles, those people whom you generally avoid, for no reason as such ;) For someone like me, who could spend months in a classroom with never having interacted with some people out of sheer apprehension, because I had the choice to stay within my cocoon of close friends, when I finally enter the work sphere, it'll be quite a ride- where diplomacy rules the roost, where you got to do something you're asked to, and be nice to people up, around, and under you, because one goof-up, and your job hangs by a thread. Whatever, more on that later! :D A year more of college, sounds like two months more to me, the one and a half months of holidays, sounds like eternity. Over incessant rounds to the cafeteria, the sports complex, the empty classrooms where we'd sit and chat for hours together, after classes, attending classes, not giving two hoots about not submitting my Eco assignment for both the Internals and Finals, I have soaked in a lot. And maybe I want just that much be enough reason to make me happy, to be able to say I have my own place in the college's memory, as though it had a soul of its own. And let the one coming year teach me more. Can't wait to get back! :)