Well, I didn't decide to write about this here thinking 'Oh this will be a terrific blog post, so let's do it!' This is about what I was like, what I did, a couple of years back in school.
I excelled at academics till I was in class IV or so, till which I had observed that many of the friends I had, were there because I was one of the toppers. Some would draw cards for me on my birthday. As my grades started to drop from class IV on, I lost those 'friends' of mine. I lost confidence too, and then the friends I made in V, VI, VII weren't exactly 'friendly' either, I was generally made fun of, one day a friend who was my partner too in class, said to me that she would ask our class teacher, Ma'am Patsy to find her a new class partner, because her mother had said to her that 'If you mingle with students who're poor at studies, you'll become like them.' I was aghast, however I took that with a pinch of salt. This was in class V.
I found a great friend in Insha, in class VII, on most days both of us would scuttle off to some new spot in the school and discuss teachers and laugh about ten things. She didn't make it to class VIII, whereas mine was a case of conditional promotion. When the session commenced after the results, I don't know what came over me, I started avoiding Insha during recess every day, sticking instead to the 'group' that I had. I wasn't too happy about this bunch of buddies I had either, since I knew I couldn't trust them, that they secretly mocked at me, but having a group to boast of gave me some ridiculous assurance at that point of time. She didn't say anything, we never talked after that. But, I never had the guts to look into her eyes after that first day I moved past her during recess.
I always planned to write her an apology letter, till we were in school. Even at those times, I'd not have enough courage to own up and admit that I had purposely ignored her years back. I'd keep thinking I'll write something like, 'Another friend spread some rumours about you and I ended up believing her, you know!' Out of nowhere, yesterday, while recollecting my days at school, thinking about how I didn't really have much of a personality till I was in class XI, considering my focus was on making friends [didn't think so much about good and not genuine friends then, didn't really have a choice.], I ended up remembering Insha again. About how she was this one friend I could confide in always. One friend I could bank on. And I'd let her down. That she said not a word made me feel doubly ashamed. I realised I couldn't undo that one thing anyway, and the least I could do was to write her an apology, this time stating the truth, why I did it. Funny how I always wanted a good friend, in school, and when I had one, I didn't respect our friendship, I lost her. Today, I sent her an apology, and I feel lighter.
Today, I am glad I am no longer a shadow who'll cower under another's presence, and be moulded by his influence. I make friends, I respect them, make sure Others do, I don't think twice before glaring at someone who's too keen on giving my friend a hard time. This is a confession to myself because I finally decided to tell her the truth, to accept it myself too- what led me to avoid her way back in school. The difference between then and now is, that in school, I had very few genuine friends [before Std XI], though I wanted one badly; today I have many, genuine, frank, concerned friends, and I am grateful that they are a part of my life. Whether it's a pen friend I talk to occasionally, or the girl who's on my speed dial list, my friends are for eternity, a lifetime is too short a span to spend with such wonderful persons. I'll end by saying, if at all you've let a friend down at some point, make it up to them TODAY, it's Never 'too late' to win a friend back, or atleast let them know what you meant/mean to them. Who knows, somewhere in their heart, they might let out a profound sigh, and a nostalgic smile. =)
30th August:
P.S. I am friends with Insha again! Thank God and thank you for reading. :D
I excelled at academics till I was in class IV or so, till which I had observed that many of the friends I had, were there because I was one of the toppers. Some would draw cards for me on my birthday. As my grades started to drop from class IV on, I lost those 'friends' of mine. I lost confidence too, and then the friends I made in V, VI, VII weren't exactly 'friendly' either, I was generally made fun of, one day a friend who was my partner too in class, said to me that she would ask our class teacher, Ma'am Patsy to find her a new class partner, because her mother had said to her that 'If you mingle with students who're poor at studies, you'll become like them.' I was aghast, however I took that with a pinch of salt. This was in class V.
I found a great friend in Insha, in class VII, on most days both of us would scuttle off to some new spot in the school and discuss teachers and laugh about ten things. She didn't make it to class VIII, whereas mine was a case of conditional promotion. When the session commenced after the results, I don't know what came over me, I started avoiding Insha during recess every day, sticking instead to the 'group' that I had. I wasn't too happy about this bunch of buddies I had either, since I knew I couldn't trust them, that they secretly mocked at me, but having a group to boast of gave me some ridiculous assurance at that point of time. She didn't say anything, we never talked after that. But, I never had the guts to look into her eyes after that first day I moved past her during recess.
I always planned to write her an apology letter, till we were in school. Even at those times, I'd not have enough courage to own up and admit that I had purposely ignored her years back. I'd keep thinking I'll write something like, 'Another friend spread some rumours about you and I ended up believing her, you know!' Out of nowhere, yesterday, while recollecting my days at school, thinking about how I didn't really have much of a personality till I was in class XI, considering my focus was on making friends [didn't think so much about good and not genuine friends then, didn't really have a choice.], I ended up remembering Insha again. About how she was this one friend I could confide in always. One friend I could bank on. And I'd let her down. That she said not a word made me feel doubly ashamed. I realised I couldn't undo that one thing anyway, and the least I could do was to write her an apology, this time stating the truth, why I did it. Funny how I always wanted a good friend, in school, and when I had one, I didn't respect our friendship, I lost her. Today, I sent her an apology, and I feel lighter.
Today, I am glad I am no longer a shadow who'll cower under another's presence, and be moulded by his influence. I make friends, I respect them, make sure Others do, I don't think twice before glaring at someone who's too keen on giving my friend a hard time. This is a confession to myself because I finally decided to tell her the truth, to accept it myself too- what led me to avoid her way back in school. The difference between then and now is, that in school, I had very few genuine friends [before Std XI], though I wanted one badly; today I have many, genuine, frank, concerned friends, and I am grateful that they are a part of my life. Whether it's a pen friend I talk to occasionally, or the girl who's on my speed dial list, my friends are for eternity, a lifetime is too short a span to spend with such wonderful persons. I'll end by saying, if at all you've let a friend down at some point, make it up to them TODAY, it's Never 'too late' to win a friend back, or atleast let them know what you meant/mean to them. Who knows, somewhere in their heart, they might let out a profound sigh, and a nostalgic smile. =)
30th August:
P.S. I am friends with Insha again! Thank God and thank you for reading. :D
You know, you write amazing-ly well. The best part is, I could connect to it. I had a friend too, with whom I'd stopped talking in college. It took me one entire year to recollect guts and make up to her. The best part was, I tried. I have special place in my heart for those who even 'try' to make an effort.
ReplyDeleteAnd for you, my love, am glad you found the true meaning of this special bond you shared with Insha. I hope you both remain friends forever.
Good luck! :)
Thank you! And yes, Insha got back in touch with me yesterday. Haven't stopped smiling since! =)
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